Everton v Crystal Palace: Player Ratings

We went into this match knowing a win would of taken us up to 6th and above Liverpool, so obviously that didn’t happen, because…well it just never happens does it? It didn’t stop us from giving it a good go though. Once again Everton were a joy to watch, doing all that lovely one touch passing stuff that we’ve become so used to. Palace with their weird sexy shorts (honestly, have another look at them) were lucky to leave with a point. Alan Pardew claimed his side should of had a couple of penalties, but I assume the referee was too busy staring at the substitutes bench trying to figure how many haircuts Marouane Chamakh had on his head, I know I was.

TIM HOWARD
Made a couple of really good saves to keep it at 0-0. He also managed to sum his season in the space of 15 seconds during the first half. A few fans were on his back about something or other, so before taking a goal kick he turned around and told them to calm down, he then proceeded to slip on his arse taking the goal kick. If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry. 6/10

SEAMUS COLEMAN
His best match in an Everton shirt for a long time. Managed to keep the batshit mental Yannick Bolasie quiet for most of the match and also got forward a lot more than he has recently. 8/10

JOHN STONES
Sensational again. Genuinely running out of things to say about him. I’m putting serious consideration into having that video of him gliding past 3/4 Palace players projected onto the front of my house for the next week. 8/10

Funes-Mori

RAMIRO FUNES MORI
Not his finest performance for us, spent the majority of the first half trying to volley anything/anyone that came with 5 yards of him. Much better second half though. 7/10

BRENDON GALLOWAY
Another solid display at the back. Whisper it quietly, but just imagine him playing centre-half alongside John Stones in a couple of years. PHWOAR! 7/10

GARETH BARRY
Just did what he usually does. Breaks up play. Wins tackles. Wins free kicks. Wins headers. Gives the ball to better players. Fade to repeat. 7/10

TOM CLEVERLEY
Short of dying his hair ginger and drawing freckles on his face, he couldn’t of put in a more of a James McCarthy performance. Unlucky not to get his first Everton goal with a big fuck-off volley that was tipped over the bar. 7/10

Cleverley

GERARD DEULOFEU
Absolutely terrorised Palace’s left back. He was that good, our second half tactics just seemed to be ‘fuck it, lets just give it to Geri’. 8/10

ROSS BARKLEY
Was involved in pretty much everything going forward, one of his most mature performances. Also produced a turn that was that good, Mile Jedinak was nearly on County Road before he realised where the ball was. 7/10

AROUNA KONE
Started off well enough, looked absolutely shattered towards the end though. 6/10

ROMELU LUKAKU
Hit the post, hit the bar, and still managed to score his 50th Everton goal. In hindsight it was probably a good thing that his shot hit the bar in the second half. I value my limbs far too much to have celebrated that. 8/10

 

SUBSTITUTES:

LEIGHTON BAINES
Understandably he still looks a bit off the pace. Looks cool as fuck though, doesn’t he? And you still want to be his mate, don’t you? Exactly. 6/10

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