Just like a warm toilet seat in the middle of winter on a building site, there’s nothing more bittersweet than the return of a Premier League season. You’re happy it’s back, but you realise some fat shitty assed twat has been sitting on it and it’s not long before the bliss is ruined, and Everton are that twat. For Evertonians, the optimism has never been higher. Moshiri has put his money where his mouth is and gave Ronny Koeman the funds he so desperately needed, strengthening all over the pitch. He’s brought in a No.1 that has the potential to be a mainstay for the next decade at both club and country level. A talented young centre back who looks like an extra from Christopher Nolan’s recent blockbuster Dunkirk. A handsome Spanish dynamo with a sensationally terrible but makes it work hairline. Add to that every Mundial readers wet dream, an industrious Dutch midfielder. Yet it STILL doesn’t feel like all the pieces are there.
It was a case of out with the old and in with the… old, when it came to the Number 10 shirt. Very rarely do end of career returns truly pay off. The romance of Rooney’s return could play a massive role in deciding the clubs fortunes for next couple of years, but it also has the potential to bear the blame for Everton not kicking on to that next level. Only time will tell.
It’s hard to grasp just yet whether the hole that Lukaku left with his hilariously obscene transfer to Man United will ultimately deny Koeman and the Everton faithful the success that both desperately crave. He divided opinions at times, but he also scored goals, and as we all know, goals are money when it comes to football.
Koeman says that he wants players from all over the pitch contributing by putting the ball in the onion bag, but in a system that favours two holding midfielders, he seems himself unsure that the current crop of toffees are capable of doing just that. A couple of very sub par performances in the Europa League against FC Pro Evo only further added fuel to fire that we are still a couple of players short of where we really need to be.
“Don’t sound much of an optimist ye dickhead”
That much is true. The first few fixtures of the new season are enough to make any team above Everton shudder, mainly because we play nearly all of them in the space of a month. The blues could shock the lot and come out of it strong, or the season could really start when the transfer window closes, and Koeman has the personnel he really wants.
Strap yourselves in, the Premier League is back!