Everton v Spurs Preview

Refreshed and ready for some more St Domingo’s Weekend Club?

It feels like a proper break from Everton after what seems like everyone’s anxieties were confirmed in a 2-0 defeat away to Chelsea. It was the type of abstract shite that Everton churn out from time to time, seemingly intent of fucking your Sunday mood right up.  Bit of context here though, what with it being our first defeat of the season and it being away to – you know – the reigning champions.

Genuinely a huge fan of your collective ability to fume here though.

 

 

The fixture-list-fucking of our early season continues with two difficult games back to back, starting with a home game against the most talented Spurs team for a generation or two. The same fixture where it all started for Koeman last season, how’s he done? Don’t answer that as it would a bit daft to be coming to definitive verdicts barely a year into his three year contract like, not that you were doing that anyway was you?

Spurs are very much a team on the up, successive seasons where they’ve had a whiff of a title challenge in March is defo progress for a team that’s always nice on the eye but low on sustainable success. Not demeaning them either there, after 22 trophyless years ourselves. Spurs are a giant of English football and should be bothering the top of the league a lot more than the past few decades, especially with the financial security they’ve enjoyed.

Savvy ownership and good management combined when they hired Mauricio Pochettino from Southampton. The Argentinian has gone about his business in an underhyped way and fused together a very talented young side that should only get better. Such as modern football is they need to win something major before their best players get picked off by the select few clubs above them. Or Pochettino himself too.

 

 

Fan wise – and it pains me deeply to say this – they’re the acceptable face of North London football. There’s less of the arrogance and entitlement you’d associate with their neighbours of north and west London, even if there is elements of the kopite iconology for things of their own amongst them. For example Glenn Hoddle was shite compared to Paul Bracewell, and the “Spurs way” of playing football can get to fuck too if it delivers just two league titles.

That apart though they’re alright and consistent with others in the same category of begrudging soundness there’s the shared theme of experiencing being fucked in continual cruel fashion by the football team you love. Spurs fans don’t settle when they’re 2-0 up as they’re waiting for their team to lose 3-2. Evertonians know how this feels. It levels a person, stops you making flags with roman gothic text saying A HERO WILL RISE when you’ve spunked 20 mil on an Italian whose eyes are so close together he looks like a lemur and can only see in 2D, which might explain why he was utterly shite and said fans with massive expensive banner looked absolute cunts. Fuck that shit, forever. Spurs also have an arrogant red neighbour which in sporting terms is like being Matthew Pinsent to Steve Redgrave, who’s clearly a twat.

 

 

You know all their players better than me but here’s a list anyway of some who may or may not play:

Harry Kane – the got-to-pick-a-pocket-or-two slick haired boss slotter will have to be watched.

Dele Alli – one smarmy self absorbed Fine Young Cannibals looking cockspanner. He’s gonna be the next great advert on why not to support England.

Eriksen – ace player him, the right height for Schneiderlin’s elbows mind.

Dembele – another ace player and often under rated.

 

 

Dier – swerve the hardman act tithead, yer mar loves Algarve waiters.

Alderweireld & Vertonghen – very decent Belgian centre halves, do they chat shit to the media too when away with the international team?

LLoris – he’s even more Frencher than a Casting Couch video with anal obsession. Oui, oui, oui. One headphone out and listen for the creak of the stairs, mate.

For the toffs there’s no new injury concerns. The Chelsea game wasn’t an advocate for scoring Everton goals so I reckon there’ll be a change or two, and also much gnashing of teeth until January when we can sign a big striker. What was heartening was Calvert-Lewin impacting positively up front – he’s showing a lot of different qualities to his game that will at the very least “do a job” until said January window. Will it be enough? Probably not, but what you gonna do?

 

 

Rooney got drunk with the lads and tried to blag a skinnier bird than his absent missus which none of us would ever do, clearly. The drink driving thing was dickhead though. Doesn’t look like Koeman will be wearing a t-shirt in support before the game but has said he will play. The beau of all youtube scouting ferrets everywhere – Sandro Ramirez – was woeful last game out so there’s not the fervour for him to start right now. I hope he comes good as two successive blows in ex Barcelona players failing to make it at Everton may endanger the virginity of those who obsess over them without them even kicking a ball in royal blue.

Who else up front? Mirallas is just one international break from putting a Rita Hayworth poster up in his locker. Lookman is developing and will have the ups and downs as expected and Sigurdsson isn’t so good out wide so all the Swansea lads say. Fuck knows but there’s more players of more expense than we’ve had for quite some time up there and our bee sting of a faced manager is paid six million a year to find a way to make it work.

 

 

Schneiderlin and Gueye will be in the middle, Davies or Klaassen about too. That’s your midfield.

Four or five at the back? Williams and Keane probably. Leighton Baines makes his 300th Premier League appearance and I was aghast (@blue_wooster you rotter) at anything less than adoration for him on social media this week. He’s ace, best left back I’ve seen at Everton and as sound as I wish I could be. This season will be telling for how long he has left but I’m made up he was Everton’s left back for a decade, or more. No idea who will be right back but nice to see Seamus Coleman kicking a ball this week in training. Pickford is over his strain and fit to lash sidewinders into channels.

 

 

Anyway that’s your break over so back to it. Tough game this, right fucking into them.

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