Brighton v Everton Preview

Sorry it’s late but like you I was enjoying the international break. A sure sign that all is not well on the (occasionally) good ship Everton.

After spending the big bucks in the summer it probably shouldn’t be this way but there’s absolutely no surprise as Everton are creative enough to find new ways to fuck us all off.

Anyway, can’t put the shit back in the donkey, so on we go.



Last game out was Burnley which you’ve chewed the bones out of enough so little I can add. Most striking thing for me was how brittle our collective confidence is, just one goal and the wilt was quicker and crueller than Kirstie Allie’s.

But it’s in the past isn’t it? Got to look forward not behind, right?

There’s a new team to preview this week as promoted Brighton play Everton for the first time in nearly 35 years. It’s good to have them too as they’re all fresh faced and hopefully bloodying the nose of the privileged, right until the point their fans make us cringe. Which, judging by the other south coast teams we play, is a high probability.



Due to Indian TV wanting a slice of the big-blue-weekend-fucking-up-machine; the fixture is at 1330 which is shite for travelling down there but great if you was looking for an excuse to make a weekend of it and stay the night in Brighton with your mates, which you probably were.

There was plenty buzzing about Blackpool’s promotion a few years ago but Brighton is levels above Blackpool for a night out even if it bankrupts similar to a drinking but not gambling visit to Las Vegas. The fashion and general ambiance is a bit off-yer-barnet-Hitman-and-Her-1990-on-yer-mars-21 inch-Sanyo but for those down there, have fun.



You also won’t catch any sort of commenting on Brighton’s liberal atmosphere as, well, I’d be an even bigger tithead pointing and laughing at homosexuality or bisexuality in the year 2017 wouldn’t I lads? Sound. That goes for the knobheads who sing songs about the opposition’s boyfriends, no doubt the same tedious fuckwits who bif up dull bigoted bores like that Prison Planet wool on twitter.

You’re nobody unless you’re edgy as fuck these days lads. Do you even insta? Not as edgy as Koeman playing Ashley Williams and fucking off any sort of width or pace for our line up though mates. Soz man, gotta let that shit go haven’t I? It’s gone now.



Chris Hughton is the manager and carries the permanent express of someone that’s dropped in the lift just before the door opens to a packed waiting lobby. He does however seem a good sort so it’s hard not to root for him to succeed, in whatever relative terms Brighton would consider success. For instance like not getting relegated, which on current form they may be battling Everton for. So it’s an October 6 pointer. How did this happen? Forward for fuck sake.

I don’t know any of their players apart from Shane Duffy so can’t do shite lookalikes or vague similies about them. They do have a player called Bong at left back though which will no doubt get one or two witty shouts during the game, or one of our ketwigs trying to inhale from him when the ball goes out of play.



So who will Ronald Koeman play? Two weeks to mull over our current malaise should hopefully prompt a plan of action to turn things around. Koeman is adept as trying different players and systems compared to his two predecessors with the caveat that nothing he tries doing seems to work right now.

But – moving forward – let’s hope the playing loads of attacking midfielders and narrower than an Amsterdam house project house is fucked off.  In a week where Hollywood finally acknowledged that it may have a problem with  young female actresses being exploited by rich powerful men then I’m guessing pretty much fucking anything can happen.



Calvert-Lewin at least has a presence and work rate up front so he’s got to be starting in my book. Sigurdsson has been shite but needs a consistent run in a position that works for a £45m signing. Or people gonna question why that sort of money was spent on chasing him for six weeks, at the seeming expense of a much needed striker. We don’t have much width so I wouldn’t be against Vlasic getting a run either, and if anyone hasn’t started a Moyeseque rumour about what Lookman has been up to with Koeman’s daughter then paint me disappointed. Some combo of Schneiderlin or Gueye with Davies in midfield.

Williams needs fucking off out of the team and as Jagielka is back then hopefully that’s a direct swap. Whoever plays at full back doesn’t arse me as none of the various permutations are particularly effective right now. Pickford in goal, bet he was pleased to leave a struggling team behind in the summer and move to Everton eh?




So a downbeat preview but they’re doing my head in at the moment as there are very few things to pin hope on in the squad. Not to dissimilar to the Everton that Brighton last met in 1983, I’d take the four years we had afterwards like.

We’ll end with looking forward. Fuck these Everton, because you should.

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