Chelsea v Everton Preview

It was Heraclitus who piped up “there is nothing permanent except change”.

Sage guy all things considered and it’s a somewhat more classy way to start an impromptu preview than the arl fella rolling double Lambs and coke down his grid on the seat across from you in the Taxi Club who offers up “fucking shite that Dutch knobhead lad”.

As it turns out shiteness is somewhat less tolerated than it’s been in recent memory at Everton, and Ronald Koeman was gone on Monday with the indignity of Moshiri not being arsed to tell himself but instead sending the lackeys of doom to execute his will.

And the search started to find the 21st man ever existed who could call proudly himself the permanent manager of Everton football club.



I was going to swerve this preview on the basis of it’s a league cup game and mostly because I’m almost out of words about Everton with this two game a week thing, not forgetting that I expect Chelsea to put us out of a competition we’ve never won. I still reckon that will happen but all this change means I can fill out a few paragraphs, add a few arl photos and it passes as a preview for a few hearty souls of you to read on the shitter.

So Koeman getting jibbed. I’ve read some many different viewpoints and angles in the past couple of days and it’s been enlightening as many have been with validity, apart from the ones which go something like “I’d have Moyes back”.

There’s a great deal of risk with the decision about to come with who will replace Koeman for the medium and perhaps longer term. The next manager odds makes for some grim reading which illustrates the scarcity of quality replacements available (Ancelotti isn’t coming mate), certainly considering the ambition Everton seemingly have at the minute. That risk of change won in the end, no doubt heavily influenced by spending the thick end of £200 million in a calendar year on new players and not being able to get a tune out of them, culminating in Everton’s drop into the bottom 3.



In the short term at least it’s David Unsworth that’s been given the unenviable task of stopping the current rot, in a sequence of games that contains a likely exit from two cup competitions confirmed and a couple of tricky league games against teams gasping for the three points.

There has been a lot of fanfare about Unsworth and his suitability for longer term in the role. I’m fully on board with seeing a leader of the club speaking with genuine passion for Everton and a comprehensive understanding of our traditions, nuances and what we demand as a fanbase. After 16 months of hard nosed pragmatism and red Christmas tree decorations it’s refreshing for many. I would genuinely love an Evertonian to be successful in charge of our team and stick his finger in the eye of the kopites at every opportunity. I don’t think that Unsworth is the right man at this present moment to be given that task and let me explain why. With a sincere hope that it’s so fucking wrong that some clever cunt on twitter retweets the fuck out of it in the future when David Unsworth fist pumps towards the Park End (fuck you Gwladys St dar punchers) as Everton lift a second consecutive league title.



The Premier League is in many ways the toughest test of domestic league management in the world. If you find yourself shaking your head and rolling Spanish or Italian stuff off your tongue then you can get to fuck you bad BT Sport Eurotogger virgin snob, they’re a bunch of samey shite dominated by one or two clubs.

In the Premier League you’ve got competition from top to bottom. From month to month in some hideous weather, with the scrutiny of a frenzied media critiquing every single move every one of the 20 participating clubs does. The money involved in the league and the more equal distribution of monies means even the clubs near the bottom have an abundance of wealth to attract players and management staff. This is illustrated by Mourinho, Guardiola and yes Klopp being within 45 miles from Goodison right now.

To handle that type of test and pressure takes a very self assured man, and crucially some very valid experience. It’s why internal selections like Shakespeare, Sherwood et al seldom succeed. Unsworth will bring motivation and that’s a powerful tool for improvement but motivation is just one facet and without sound strategy amongst others then in most businesses you’ll get a short term bounce but ultimately then struggle as superior competition exploits your weaknesses. Throw in the mix a bunch of mega millionaire egos to manage and develop, and your ability to maintain control and respect will be severely tested without the gravity of experience and reputation.



If this seems a little arl arse it really isn’t meant that way, but I throw your memory back to recent appointments where the likes of Weir, Stubbs and even Neville had some support in applying for the permanent position of Everton manager. A bit of Everton chest thumping feels good at this moment but after 22 years every single fucking decision needs to be acutely designed to win a trophy dead soon. So the decision to replace Koeman needs to be considered towards who would make that happen.

So who should it be? Why the fuck would you ask that of a fat internet blert like me? Sometimes it’s fine to say I genuinely have no fucking idea who would come in and win us stuff because only time will be the judge of that. Hypocritically by that same token it also applies to condemning Unsworth before he even lifts a finger but I’ve a predisposition towards assessing risk when making difficult decisions.



Is there a point or crescendo to this tedious jarg rant? Not really, but this vital decision needs to be made with head not heart. It’s all a bit X Factor when there’s a new manager hunt on as everyone staunchly gets behind their preference until glory or abject disappointment. An age of social media pressuring clubs further adds an element of tail wagging the dog, with that dog being black and white striped and barking with a north east accent.

My hopes, dreams and weekend mental health are in the hands of those running Everton as a business for the foreseeable future. I hope they know what they’re fucking doing.



I can’t even be arsed talking about Chelsea. They’re miles better than us and although they’re gonna make changes they’ll still likely put out a team that puts us out of the cup. Some token resistance from Everton would be nice.

This season really should have been so much more.

New manager so likely some new faces starting in the team and a new system. Unsworth has the best knowledge of the crop of youngsters coming through at Everton right now so it was no surprise to see Baningime and Henen added to the squad. The latter’s main attribute being pace, so it was telling Lennon was mentioned as being fit too. In Unsworth’s thoughts will be a testing trip away to a similarly desperate Leicester on the weekend so I expect we will see a wider group of players given the chance to stake a claim in this latest installment of rescuing Everton.

At the heart of that will be working out some sort of system that offers any sort of chance creating and goal threat, a midfield combination that can grab some form of control over a game for any sustained in match period, and a defence than actually stops the opposition from scoring on their leisurely whim. The keeper looks alright though so at least that’s something.



Something. Anything. A sign of an Everton team that has some purpose and an ability to control its own destiny against oppositions good and average. That would be a start.

So we end as we finish with our Greek philosopher friend Heraclitus. He suffered from dropsy so he covered himself in shit to try and cure it, and was subsequently devoured by wild dogs.

There’s a metaphor for Everton right now in there but this aforementioned fat internet blert is not clever enough to unravel it.

Just fuck these Everton.

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