West Ham (h) 29.11.17

“We’ve come a long long way together, through the hard times and the good”

Alright? Been a while hasn’t it? I can only apologise if you’ve been missing my demented post match scribblings but to be honest, they’ve just sucked the fucking life out of me. I’ve seen Everton under Walker, Smith and the shadow of Howard Kendall and never once felt as detached from the club as I have this season. Southampton last week is the most pathetic display I can remember seeing, and that says a lot, seeing as Uncle Walter once turned out a side featuring 6 (six) centre backs.

I’m not going to go into the manager thing too deeply. Better writers than me have covered every angle and aspect of it. All I’ll say is, it’s a short term thing, we all know that. We’ve pissed the bed and we’ll just have to lie in it until morning. Still, fuck right off Sammy Lee you odious gnome cunt.

The last game of the Unsworth caretaker era then, and wholesale changes from the Southampton fiasco. Perpetual mard arses Schneiderlin and Mirallas were fucked off, hopefully for good, and Wayne Rooney came back in in a deeper midfield role. Martina left back for the injured Baines. Holgate made his first start for eons too, with Keane missing out.

It was a nervy opening in truth, lacking in any real class or chances. What didn’t go unnoticed was the effort put in. Off the back of a rather public bollocking from the temporary manager pre match, the hunger and desire to chase every ball was back. West Ham’s back line was harried and harassed into mistakes and tackles flew in from all quarters. This brought encouragement rather than criticism from the crowd and they were rewarded with a breakthrough. Sigurdsson with a delightfully weighted through ball to Calvert-Lewin who skipped round Hart, only to be felled by the big lumbering dickhead who was lucky to escape further sanction. Rooney took the penalty and although the Head and Shoulders meff blocked the initial effort, the rebound fell kindly for Wayne to nod home from six yards.



Within ten minutes Rooney and Everton had a second. The sort of slick, flowing passing that hasn’t been seen since Martinez’s first season picked apart a fragile Hammers defence. The impressive Kenny played a neat one two with Lennon and strode into the opposing half, beating a man before slipping it wide to Tom Davies, whose first time cross fell to Rooney to tuck home at the far post. Kirkdale to West Derby to Croxteth. Two nil.

The visitors came out better after half time and showed a bit more spirit about them. Cresswell struck the bar before Ashley Williams clumsily hacked down Antonio, giving Lanzini the chance to halve the deficit from the spot. The Argentine’s penalty was well struck but Pickford leapt to his right and threw out a paw with the speed and dexterity of Big Sam reaching for the last drumstick in a KFC Monster Bucket (or a brown envelope stuffed with used, non sequential banknotes) and Goodison breathed a sigh of relief.

The game was put beyond the clutches of F.C. Article 50 with 20 minutes to go with Rooney’s hat trick goal. Hart came lumbering out to clear a long ball but his sliding block made it no further than the centre circle where the Croxteth Cruyff struck a drilled first time effort that arrowed in from 60 yards.

The rout was complete on 80 minutes when Williams atoned for his earlier faults with a looping header from a Sigurdsson corner that crept in at the far post. No less than Everton, or indeed West Ham deserved after their respective performances. I almost feel sorry for Moyes, he’s become a figure of comical abject shiteness (sic) since departing L4 but then I remember the way he behaved from January to August of that year and find myself hoping he makes it two relegations in as many years, the misery filled shitebag.

Rooney was imperious, Davies and Kenny faultless, Calvert-Lewin ran his legs off in the thankless lone striker role, Pickford was solid and Sigurdsson had his best game in a blue shirt. However, the final word has to go to David Unsworth and it’s a word of thanks. He was handed a poisoned chalice following the removal of Koeman and although he’s not always made the right calls or played the right teams, he’s stood up and never once shirked responsibility or looked for excuses. An example that the players need to follow as we go forward under the new management team.

“It’s good to be back, good to be back, hello….”


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