Liverpool v Everton FA Cup Preview

Comedy, satyr and tragedy.

The 3 Greek genres of drama, and things which our beloved Έβερτον are continually proficient in. With a keen lust for the latter.



The new manager bounce concluded with meek defeats against Bournemouth and then Man Utd. A defence that was the hub of all heartbreak earlier in the season receiving some galvanising had yet yielded progress, only for the attack to collapse in on itself and forget how to strike the ball towards the opponent’s goal.

There’s something Greek Tragedy about Everton which we publicly resent but subliminally resonate with. They’re engaging as they are infuriating. Perhaps – for a parochial working class club – Everton are a source of weekend catharsis to rid us of the weekday pent up frustrations, through a series of almost scripted heartbreaks which Aristotle himself would struggle to explain, or persist with.

You’ll get some super blues pointing at this and evaluating it as part of the problem, a mindset failure and acceptance of defeat before contest has even begun. Maybe it’s a defence mechanism we use to protect ourselves from Everton shitting on us from great heights. The kopites – as they should – revel in Everton’s propensity to fuck it all up from the most advantageous of positions but there’s benefits from it. You know any Evertonian who’s early to gloat of success? Like fuck. We want cast iron completion to anything – Everton or personal life – before you’ll believe it’s happening and even begin to bask.



In the absence of success for so long there’s no value at all in supporting Everton for some form of reflected glory, so it’s a useful filter against the horde of try-too-hard Premier League wannabes from all over the world looking for belonging and regular bounces of success to use to try and trick their fragile ego of self purpose and value. Our wools and foreigns that follow the club over any stretch of time truly have to “get” Everton otherwise they’d be convicted for masochism. Compare that across the park where (and I’m being sincere here) I feel for my ardent kopite mates who are massively disenfranchised by their club offering every available advantage to day trippers than local fans.

Do you feel these kopite clinger ons “get” Liverpool? Like fuck, they want instagram selfies and replica top from the Mecca of those-with-a-passing-interest-in-soccer. The half and half scarves and as we seen last week; wacky banners. They go to be seen. And take camera phone footage. A plague on any football club and I’m pleased it’s them in fairness but I empathise with aforementioned kopite mates that their owners are more interesting in their club as a marketable product than a way of life for generations of those before them.

OK we won the out towners point scoring cup, so we can move on.



Liverpool are assembling an exciting attacking team that has got a bit of backbone about them too, as illustrated in their last 2 games and closing out games they’d maybe have drawn before. We’d need this sort of shit to carry on over a long period of time before we start any sort of sweating that they’ll achieve that what they covet the most but if Everton put out a team that gubs teams like Liverpool does then we’d be getting excited. Thankfully Guardiola and City seem to have that wrapped up for a wee while yet.

This game is hot on the heels of the same fixture but in the league 4 weeks prior where Everton could barely get out of their own half in true backs to the wall fashion but somehow managed to spawn a point out of the game when some shit bastard in their defence thought it was good idea to shove a striker in the back inside the box, over he went and Rooney took care of the rest. The main emotion I gathered after than game from blues was relief. Relief that we hadn’t shipped a load of goals to them again. Relief that we hadn’t yielded to the pressure late on. Relief that we had another much needed point under our belt towards the 40 we need to ditch these Everton shitbags in the summer and start again.



Weirdly however it’s been no 1 trending topic amongst kopites on a daily basis, with some sort of mad fixation on the penalty being undeserving and Everton being undeserving of the win because they didn’t play open football and let the speedy bastards up front of theirs rip us apart like normal. Now I don’t understand the kopite mentality at the best of times but this was another weird chapter from the club that almost defines soft penalty gains and waking up every morning as a bedfollow of lady luck. That most kopite of things –  entitlement –  reared its ugly red grid with 4 weeks of snark over being denied the extra 2 points. I’ve enjoyed it a great deal as in the age of social media it only spreads awareness around with neutrals of what the fuck we have to put up with.

You know what? We’re shite and not expecting anything from this game so I’m half wanting them to stroll a 2-0 or something so they feel all dead superior again and move onto whatever wee insecure obsession can gain them the moral high ground they so covet once more. Then leave little ol’ Everton out of their bantz campaigns until we play them at Goodison later in the year, a game we will also lose one way or the other. Get that 23 year birthday cake on the go lads and gel that hair real good for the Sky cameras. Except you’re at a football game lads, not the darts.



In fact fuck it I hope we do somehow snake the shit out of them and Klopp – with his recent added Soul-Glo of the teeth – does one another of them meltdowns where the media don’t agree with him and rather than face the elephant in the room holding a massive fuck off sign saying YOU’RE IN THE THE WRONG MATE he starts adding petulant comments and anecdotes about his mother as a kid, which don’t even make any sense.

Some of their players-

Coutinho – prompting kopites and their media goons into a narrative shuffle that will compete with only Breitbart in the forthcoming week.

Salah – is he out? Hope so as he’s one fine player. Get in his ear Philippe.

Mane – one Garbage Pail Kid looking shithead this one.



Henderson – small town bully midfield goon that fools absolute no one in midfield, except England, and increasingly less kopites. If there’s one player for Everton to pissboil then this is the one.

Van Dijk – gypsy haired texan, fresh from being the last of his species on Red Dwarf arriving for Lukaku money. Get his hands all over one of ours in their box and hit that fucking turf.

Flanagan – remember when they cringed Cafu into flying over to watch the pug faced full back shit the title? Not sure of their recent teams but if he starts on Friday then best run for our lives.

Milner – lasagne faced ref botherer who’s pleas to the fourth official in post game last time out was a genuine delight. Get to fuck you simple ogre.

Mignolet – pepper that that goal. Oh hang on, it’s Everton here so like fuck he will be getting his gloves warmed. One can hope.



I’m too particularly fussed to dwell on who or may not play. Guessing it will be DCL up front as he runs about and maybe has an aerial advantage on others, should we get a set piece within launching distance of their goal. I hope Rooney’s flu hasn’t finished his career, he’s been shite on his return, in which case lash Sigurdsson in his favoured position until otherwise. The Vlasic funboys have been piped down a little so there’s only Lookman left as salvation until he fucks us off in a cut price deal to a London club this month. Oh Everton.

Considering we have so many midfield options it’s a crying shame that we can’t find any of them to form something resembling an effective partnership. We were reduced to taking some form of relief in McCarthy throwing shit kicks in on United players not arsed because they were 2-0 up.

We need to get back to that defence that served us well in December which means a recall for Kenny and Holgate/Williams there. Martina too as who else? I’m almost nearing upset that we’ve finally got a keeper that wins us points and the 10 twats in front of him have gone to pieces.



As far as first Fridays of cold and skint Januaries go this fixture is as welcome as a recognisable persistent itch after wiping. Yet as big red pops out at us, so it must be dealt with.

You can bet your bottom dollar that bigger Samuel is going to keep Pickford company with at least 9 of his colleagues in and around his box so prepare yourself accordingly. Is it the right approach?

The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain. Not my words, but Aristotle’s.

Pame Everton.

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