Hard not to admire Everton’s perpetual ability to keep you in quandary, in suspense, in pain, in joy. Sometimes forlorn, on other times in blissful anticipation – of late which has been notably absent. All of them things and more make it hard to define our relationship with St Domingo’s boys.
Maybe by law of attraction Everton found you. If it was passed onto to you then perhaps it’s why you’re still here. Or just possibly you’re nothing more than a Russian spambot scanning this article in the vast void of the internet and looking for ways to push the advertising revenues of your master. Whatever you are I’m pleased you’re here.
The final day of a shitty month in the history of Everton threw up a pleasant surprise and a snapshot of the varying emotions of Evertonianism; as the spectrum went from anger at Lookman’s loan, to despair at the line up then promptly onto shock, elation, anxiety and satisfaction in gametime. Throw in signing a player (albeit on loan) beyond the subsequent transfer window deadline and it was quite some evening.
Leicester were in fine fettle and running through teams at ease. An Everton team with a lot of changes got over a nervy start and then produced one of it’s best performances of the season, admittedly against a very low bar.
Individual results are best viewed through the prism of period to appreciate the context and wider influence on the season, even era. It was however a very important win and puts the club within 9 points for almost assured retention of Premier League status so – should Moshiri have the appetite – summer can rinse out the old and try a different approach. Because there needs to be a different Everton in the near future.
Seamus fucking Coleman though. Make that future with him wearing a captain’s armband, and find similar character to put around him. That’s Everton right there. Along with needing an Ark to get home from the game because, well, there’s always a catch when it comes to your glee with Everton.
Onto Arsenal, whose chronic fatalism and despair amongst the fanbase perhaps even supersedes the current Everton. It’s a strange old period for them and it won’t go away until Wenger leaves and allows a deeply polarised fanbase to move on, and even heal. Unless of course they wake up to a world where Allardyce or Bruce Rioch can become your manager and then they will look back all misty eyed at the days they spanked Everton off the field with ease and attracted players like Aubameyang.
It’s a short preview so I’ll spare them the usual cheap stereotyping but they really have to get a grip on that fanTV thing of theirs. It’s like they’ve hired a modern Goebbels with the sole KPI of making an absolutely twat out of a club’s fans, and turning everyone against them. Maybe even it’s a snapshot of the modern football fan and we’ve got them all? Entitlement and rudeness don’t make attractive bedfellows but then saying that anything less than uber-edgy in this world of fan media and you’re quickly painted as too vanilla, and wilt. Give me moderate viewpoints and good ol’ Everton eye rolling any day of the week.
The good thing for Arsenal is due to a nearly 29 year deal with the devil they get an eternal pass from me. Best deal I ever struck too, hope I get to shake Michael Thomas’ hand before the fire consumes my very soul.
As Arsene Wenger turns into a something resembling a Pompei prune it’s sadly also an ushering out of a pleasant era of English football where you could still come in and achieve success without having to spend the annual GDP of an African country. Not forgetting Arsenal have always been well financed but that style of football he put together was at times ace to watch. With Everton usually on the receiving end of it, most latterly when a right roasting cost our last manager his job. That Invincibles team though, su-fucking-perb. Adams strolling through to welly a fourth less so. Bastards.
Some of their players who may or may not play v Everton:
Aubameyang – save your sighs for when he rolls in their fourth.
Ozil – put him on any branch and he adjusts his skin to background, before ambushing small insects.
Mkhitaryan – despair when he twats in their third.
Wilshere – they’d moved on but the convenient sex brings them back together. I’m a fan how how much he feels for Arsenal and wants to make it work.
Lacazette – near post finish for their second.
Mustafi – has anyone worked out if he’s any good yet so we can moan at Moyes?
Cech – still a good keeper, cruelly lobbing Pickford for their first.
Onto Everton, and I can’t work out if Wednesday’s team selection was done with the intent of resting some players for Saturday’s game. Maybe if it was then it might have backfired in the sense that we desperately need to keep a team that’s capable of having a go, as they did.
A bit weird to have our £27m man confined to the bench but rather than reading way too deeply into something and letting my anxiety take over I’ll roll with it and predict he will get some game time v Arsenal. Theo Walcott notched his first two goals and displayed a clinical nature and hard work ethic that if sustained will leave him long time loved in L4. Early days yet but that combination with Coleman on the right looked a tad tasty. Sigurdsson or Bolasie will be vying for the other flank.
Rooney’s penalty calamity detracted from an otherwise effective game from him where he used the ball really well at times, but this type of game away is the type that tends to see him either overran in the middle or trying too hard so wouldn’t be surprised if it sits it out. Got no idea who will play in the middle but I’d like another look at Gueye and Davies sometime soon, just to see.
A 35 year old Phil Jagielka is still our best and most consistent central defender which is also a cause for concern. Holgate offers a lot of promise, Keane was much improved and in need of a run of games to build his confidence. Williams is a sticking plaster for when we protect a late lead it seems, and to build that collection we’ve got Mangala until the end of the season. If you’re not seen much of him then expect athletic physicality, a defender first and ball player very much last. Allardyce has a penchant for this type of player with his redemption of Sakho a year ago being in the same mould.
Martina, first name “To be fair to” after a win, had an effective game and until Baines comes back will be there like a jarg tropical Alan Harper. Wouldn’t be surprised to see Coleman’s return managed delicately and his talented understudy Kenny to step in here. Kenny seems to have plenty of the heart in him, bet he couldn’t have asked for anyone better to learn from. Pickford had a weird game where – not unlike a good curry – he made my arse go a few times, so hope he’s got that out of his system.
Which Everton will turn up? That’s the lottery isn’t it. So we finish as we started with the quandary of Everton providing more questions than answers.
Right into them blues.