Everton v Huddersfield Town Preview

Everton’s next game marks the beginning of September. The gentle opening to the season hasn’t exactly been maximised but nevertheless it’s been reasonably pleasant so far. The patience amongst us all is unusual yet enjoyable, and a useful platform for Everton to quietly make some changes. Rome, after all, wasn’t built in a day.

Those same Romans, who were occasionally wise, associated September with Vulcan – a God of flame and fire – and they associated the month with turbulence through fire and earthquakes and all that shit. Our man Vulcan wouldn’t be welcomed on the occasionally good ship Everton as right now, our biggest ally is the under the radar slight improvement going on, evolution being the word rather than revolution.



As most of you try to determine whether it has been a good start to the season or not from Everton, they will play their final game before that illest timed international break. I’ll have to be somewhat more tactile in my annual baiting of international football fans as the fertile recruiting ground of “those of the Trevor Steven position” as I watched absolute truckfulls of you turn into massive Englanders in the summer, right about the time Colombia were dispatched. I seen you. It’s OK though, you can do what you like and I certainly won’t think of you any less, well until you start piping up with “they won’t let us celebrate St George’s Day”

Two games since we last communicated and they finalised the pattern of D-W-D-W as Everton annoyingly fucked ourselves out of 2 points at Bournemouth, but then made 8 changes to piss a really shite Rotherham team and gain the bounty of a home draw to Southampton, with the downside being having to endure three separate lots of the south coast banter-sphincters in a mere six months of Goodison Park.



Whisper it quietly but there’s something of a squad developing at Finch Farm which we can only hope delivers some true competition, not only for guarding the players against complacency but mostly for there being a higher chance that the Manager will stumble upon 11 of them on the pitch at the same time that somehow works. I’m encouraged so far but excuse my pragmatism, I’ve immunised myself against Everton through this way lest they wreck my weekend mood all the way to Christmas.

The fixture list bestowed us with 2 sound home games either side of the international break which Everton have the opportunity to capitalise on for purposes of momentum. Trust me dear reader I’m mightily looking forward to slandering West Ham in the preview after this but you’ll have to permit me to speak nice of Huddersfield this time out, as they’re alright aren’t they?



For Yorkshire can be a peculiar place. It’s a land of simple pleasures, such as freewheeling down a cobbled road with a big fuck off crust of Hovis in your basket, enjoying cricket that is not the final test of an Ashes series, eating a block of cheese from the wrapper whilst walking round a market, being an irritable cunt after your eighth pint of John Smith’s, getting a Spitfire tattoo on your forearm for your 18th birthday, tucking your jeans into your socks when it rains and sucking the air between your teeth in sheer delight when you clock a well groomed shire horse.

Thankfully for Huddersfield they are clinging onto the precipice of Yorkshire in the form of the Pennines, so a short shire horse ride over the mountains brings them forward approximately 100 years into Greater Manchester. A visit to Liverpool must be like a Virtual Reality Jetsons experience. It’s a little known fact that Everton has to operate manual turnstyles when playing Huddersfield as asking them to scan a barcode with laser would be akin to asking your pet Labrador to successfully get you a Doctor’s appointment within the fortnight, without the onset of scurvy.



Shite satirising of Huddersfield aside there’s a statistic that I can’t shake off and that’s that I have never ever met a person from Huddersfield that I disliked. I’m sure they’re out there, annoying a cheap council estate pub karaoke night but I haven’t bumped into them yet. All the people I’ve spent time with from Huddersfield have been sound. Feel free to correct me with your own experiences if it’s differed, but until then – well in Huddersfield.

David Wagner is a weird one, in a sort of Chernobyl raised Jeff Goldblum who’s at any point just 2 weeks away from killing Jurgen Klopp’s loyal Alsatian before scuttling up a drain pipe and planting himself quietly on the foot of the matrimonial bed. I hope they tire of him by the new year, and somehow swerve the allure of Samuel Allardyce offering easy solutions. Do that and I’ll be rooting for them to stay up as they’ve got tolerable fans, an accessible away day and a documented history involving 3 consecutive league titles.

I hope you’ll excuse the usual list of players who may or may not play against Everton as I know little about them – thus guaranteeing a dominant Huddersfield win this Saturday – and I do have one eye on finishing this preview to get to my scratch.



Silva’s midweek mashup may have given him a little room for flexibility in who he chooses for his Everton team. The resting of Tosun – coupled with his selfless running for the team up front – cements his choice for the time being. The DCL lad gave a nudge that this might not be a settled choice for the amicable Turk, although Calvert-Lewin needs to now follow that up with a noticeable impact when he comes on in the latter stages of games. He’s got a lot about him though and any development of him this season can only be good for Everton.

It’s a nap that Walcott will line up on the right – and it’s enjoyable to see him offering a real consistent threat down Everton’s right. Richarlison got sucked in by that Smith tithead, but the decision was fucking daft and once again torpedoed an Everton away performance. If Bernard’s or Lookman’s injury niggles fuck off then one of them two will replace him the Brazilian on the left, if not then fuck knows really. It may even prod Silva into changing formation.



Sigurdsson is looking the part in his start to the season with his fine footballing aesthetics much alluring to Everton fans. The man has a class about his touch and vision, and a workrate that’s been put to much better use at Goodison that his traditional summer pastime of ruthlessly slaughtering fin whales. You’ll thankfully see no Greenpeace scruffs cajoling our man Gylfi any time soon, only the Paddock. Also packed into this midfield will be the impressive Gana Gueye who is either in quite lovely early season form, or buying into Silva’s way of playing. Thankfully we will also have Schneiderlin back as we he seems alright for now and we really need an effective shield in front of an inconsistent backline for the time being.

Onto that defence. Credit that Holgate is first pick at the moment, he will be joined by either Jagielka returning from suspension or K.H. Zouma. I just long for any two of them that can help put together a run of clean sheets – zonal fucking marking or not – as it’s the big glaring shitspot in our team right now. Digne is doing himself no harm pushing Baines, just as I hope JJ Kenny takes his cue to put some pressure on Coleman who’s not had the best of season starts. Pickford – the zany boss bastard – will keep the nets.



Have you worked out if Everton have had a good start yet? This game will go some way to confirming your stance. Then the fifteen day hiatus for us to muse over where some of you may even rue their absence in the weekend, and when was the last time you could honestly say that?

It’s formative days but opportunity knocks early on for Everton. Put Huddersfield aside, kick on from that and rightfully smite Gold & Sullivan and you’d have an 11 out of 15 unbeaten Everton side fancying themselves against forthcoming trickier opponents, even maybe against a Roman deity or two.

Into them blues.

One Comment

  • Bradley  31/08/2018 at 21:04

    Great stuff


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