Everton v Newcastle Preview

It was just one point lost. Another way of looking at it is that *if* we win this next game then we benefit more than if we drew at both Anfield and v Newcastle.

The cup half full mentality probably ceases there as, well, fucking hell Everton when it comes to supporter cruelty you have levels beyond pretty much anyone else.

This is a much better Everton team than we’ve seen in years though, those kopite celebrations at the end are testament to the challenge faced.



And that’s a line drawn under the derby.

Marco Silva is putting together a team worth watching at Everton. The first indicator of this is all of our weekends being much more pleasant. Viewing Everton games had been a bit of an obligation, even a chore, and now if you’re anything like me you’re a little excited about going after oppositions with vigour, and a brand of football enjoyable on the eye.

The next unfortunate bastard to face off against us is the mighty Newcastle. I use the term “mighty” in the same sense as Tommy Robinson may use the term “serious” in appraising his contribution to anything fucking ever.



This preview reaches a junction right now, as in previous Newcastle previews (when they’ve bothered to spend a season in the Premier League) they’ve been quite unkind affairs towards the deeply insecure half-Scottish banter ferrets. I’d like to think that the ambitious and sneering geordie of the mid 90s has now been sufficiently piped down, and realise their place in the scheme of football. Which in no way, shape or form allows them to rub up against Everton with any sort of credibility.

Wor massive crowds though, no fuck right off with your earrings and wacky top off behaviour lads, it isn’t the size of a football club – and even less so when you’re the only club in your city.



So I’m gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that Newcastle belong in top flight English football. It is very much a passionate footballing city and they have a great heritage of loyal support, iconic players and some really good fucking teams over the years. A club with the capacity for football in Newcastle should never spend too long outside of the Premier League, and I almost have a bit of sympathy for them with that bellend of an owner.

Now if they could just lay off aligning themselves with the kopites – it’s not a good look – and continue to find humility then I’ve no problem with them hanging around for a bit longer. They also need to get a grip of the toads in their support who overcompensate with their limited charisma when sneering at other clubs, because there seems a real legion of them. While they’re there maybe point out that calling Everton the ‘Scouse Mackems’ implies that Everton are more successful than our rivals which isn’t true as Sunderland have more league titles than Newcastle, and sadly the kopites have that one sewn up in our city. What if, fucking hell, Newcastle are the Everton of the north east? Absolute head fuck territory that.



As you can see though I’m ready to be friends, and want to place on the record what a tremendous city Newcastle is for a weekend. More so as a single lad as there is a bounty of uncomplicated grot up there for the taking – if there was a Premier League for sleaze then Newcastle would be fucking formidable.

Benitez is their Manager and many years have passed yet I still consider him one bad Iberian ham croquet shovelling shithead. In time though maybe we can look at the likes of him, Rodgers and Klopp as Everton icons for taking them so close yet so far, and slipping the kopite mask clear off for the world to witness the contrived jealous texans that dwell beneath.

As this is an express preview I want to move right onto their players-

Rondon – he seems a decent sort so I’d like to wish him well fo the game, break a leg mate. Hang on.



That’s their players.

From listening to Marco Silva’s press conference it’s likely there’ll be some changes. Whether that will affect Richarlison as the front man remains to be seen, one option is to move him to the left for Bernard who’s not quite clicked yet. Lookman however would eye a spot there or on the opposite flank, it’s welcome to have options fo the flanks as Walcott too has not been really impacting games of late.

Sigurdsson didn’t have his best game at Anfield but should retain his place, Gueye was even worse with his passing leaving a lot to be desired, but both have been playing well so can’t see too many changes – with maybe Davies considered for the latter. If anyone dare touches Andre Silva or attempts to remove the big brooding body-swerving midfield maestro from my viewing pleasure then Everton can fuck right off. He made Anfield look simple at times, this is the calibre of player we need going forward if we’re to truly get better.



At the back I see little reason to change Keane or Mina who are playing really well and also offering a very composed set of heads on the ball and bringing it forward. Digne likewise has been really good and his effect on the left puts pressure on the opposite flank to match it. With Coleman turning 30 this is a big season for him, and as a captain to move through the gears again. Pickford fucked up but saves us a truckload of points and isn’t the type to let shit like that bother him. The geordies are gonna go after him, I enjoyed his running over to them and shushing last season so hope he can level up this time – if Everton get a win.

Everton are now in a sequence of games which will go a large way to defining their season, no month has more games than December.

I’m pragmatic when it comes to Everton optimism but they’re giving me all the good feels right now, even if by typing this automatically triggers our next crisis sequence of the season.



Onwards, and hopefully upwards. Put these black and white bells to bed first though.

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