Everton v Tottenham Hotspur Preview

Through the years we will all be together, if the fates allow. So sang Sinatra.

Sinatra clearly not knowing much of Evertonians and their ability to polarise themselves out of almost nothing. The latest being the stadium capacity which “dropped” on 5pm yesterday, maybe hoping to bury the news amongst the sheer ludicrousness of 2 drones closing down Gatwick for a couple of nights. Never mind Brexit.

Together? Fuck off, we’re Everton.

And Evertonia is none more impressive than when staring a 5 game winless streak full in the face, as a prelude to Christmas. The anxiety builds up on a weekly basis until there’s a crescendo at some point, be it a release and watershed moment, or a wondrous season changing occurence that kickstarts a limited – but enjoyable – revival.

In the absence of our right back having bleached tips and tackling Ronaldo real hard it will fall to another hero to step forward and make us dream once that this Everton team are not as shite as the other ones, and may actually win something.

A bit melodramatic there because I don’t really see many panicking. There’s a quiet confidence amongst most that despite this current turbulence there is a team developing that has got something about them. They’re talented and even a bit gutsy, they just need to work themselves out in who’s playing where, and with a change or two you’ve got an Everton worth watching most weeks. Which is a giant first step forward from the swamps of Allardyce.

A mixture of alcohol and tiredness meant I slept through the Man City game and can’t be arsed watching any highlights other than the goals, so I’ve no real takeaways from that game and expected result. The fixture list hasn’t exactly blessed us with a really good Spurs team coming to Goodison next.

sucks air through teeth so that can we say about Tottenham that hasn’t been said already? Fuck all really, they’re another grand old team of English football with a beautiful history and endeavour to play attractive football – which at times may have hindered them from shithousing a few more trophies, as Joe Royle may recall fondly.

Spurs have been fully paid up members of hire an unconvincing Manager, fire an unconvincing Manager, for quite some time now – until Mauricio Pochettino jibbed Southampton to take the reigns there about 5 years ago or so. Since then they’ve put together a team true to their attractive football traditions, but with good amount of steel about it, and it went really close to winning the title only to be pipped – in also true Spurs fashion – by the one off shitehawks of Leicester City.

There’s a pessimistic fatalism about Spurs fans which a lot of Evertonians will find endearing, never mind a media obsessed red shithead rival plaguing their very existence. It has to be said that right at this moment the Spurs model is perhaps aspirational to an Everton seeking to break amongst the current elite, and build an all singing all dancing new stadium. Cornerstone of all this has been the operational and financial savvy of Daniel Levy, we have to but hope that our man Moshiri can herald a similar restorative effect.

Has anyone pointed out that Pochettino looks like a discarded Cabbage Patch Kid yet to be found in your Nan’s loft? He turned up for Christmas at least 33 years too late. His teams can play though, and it’s no surprise to see him linked with the Man Utd job this week – a role that although prestigious he’d be daft to take. The English media once against making gobshites of themselves by pushing the Man Utd narrative onto him in his press conference for this very fixture.

Here’s some of their players who may turn out at Goodison:

Kane – one boss fucking slotter, even if he looks like he lurks in slums asking forgotten children to pick a pocket or two.

Alli – one bad texan him, hoping one of ours gets stuck right into him.

Eriksen – fantastic footballer, hurt him.

You know what? They’re mostly all good footballers so what can I add, other than there’s no way Kieran Trippier doesn’t drink Bombardier on a his sofa pushed out in the front garden in summer, playing Dambusters on the Argos ghetto blaster over and over again. The exact type who has his top off dancing on the bar of the Wetherspoons before midday in Blackpool, with his mates shaking their heads in amusement and telling everyone “sorry about him he’s been on it all night”.

Onto Everton and it’s unlikely we will see a repeat of the 5 at the back experiment., considering it allowed 2 of the smallest players on the park to plant 2 headers past us last game out.

Calvert-Lewin is the latest recipient of “the Lukaku baton” and if he’s going to stake a claim then he will need some patience, with a run of games. This has came about because neither Bernard or Lookman has made the left wing position their own, and Richarlison should slip effortlessly back in there. Probably Walcott on the right.

Sigurdsson will play in that vital attacking midfield role and consistent with Everton this month, he’s not made much of an impression. His goals are much needed right now if we’re to get back on a better track. Evertonians were exposed to a midfield without Gana Gueye and I’m not so sure they liked it, he will hopefully be back for this and his disruptive force in the middle may be useful against Spurs. His love hunk of a midfield partner has another opportunity to step up and show his class, and according to some dark parts of the internet he may be in the shop window for this game. Handcuff him to that contract fella and do it quick.

Three into two just doesn’t go, so the central defender left out for this will be a telling indication of Silva’s current thoughts. I reckon it will be Keane and Zouma starting, seeking to get back to clean sheets. Digne is sound isn’t he? Coleman will start on the right, maybe. Pickford in the nets.

The fixture has all the ingredients for an ale soaked Goodison bear pit. A late Sunday kick off with many not in work for a few games afterwards, and knowing that Everton are desperate for a performance and points, under the lights. Whilst it’s a difficult task it is not insurmountable. It’s impact with a positive result would be timely springboard for playing 5 games in 13 days. If you’re going – savour every moment.

Wanted to send you – dear reader – a small note to say thanks for reading these previews. It’s hugely flattering that anything I’ve got to say about Everton, but mostly scruffy oppositions, are worth reading every week for a few thousand of you.

It’s in this spirit of brevity that I want to say I’ll be taking a wee break from the previews now, for how long I’m not sure but hopefully it isn’t too long. It’s not you, it’s me. A combination of having no adjectives left in the tank for those bastards daring to oppose Everton most weeks, and the ending of a personally difficult year makes this a good bookend as any. It’s no sweat like, next year all our troubles will be out of sight.

I’ll finish as I started, with the words of Frank. So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Up the toffs.


  • Jack  21/12/2018 at 20:56

    Well if you need a break, so be it. But be in no doubt that your previews are one of the highlights of any nailbiting week in the life of an Evertonian. Please come back when you’re ready. I need you

  • Doug  22/12/2018 at 16:36

    Don’t stop chico. I love these and really help when putting 1 under 3 and an 8 month old to bed

  • derek thomas  22/12/2018 at 20:48

    Nice one Chico, same to you. See you when you get back.

  • Bruce Millar  23/12/2018 at 03:51

    Enjoyed the read, all the best mate.

  • P Kelly  23/12/2018 at 09:19

    These previews will be sorely missed. Have a good one chico, see you in the future, sometime.

  • Joe Hurst  23/12/2018 at 12:12

    Just like a division-levelling winning streak, your previews when they can be back – can’t be too soon.
    Merry Christmas to all fellow Blue brethren


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