Hey. Wake up! Hi there. What do you mean Steven Naismith came off the bench to score a hat-trick and we murdered the Premier League champions? Don’t be stupid, that was a dream. They rolled us over 2-0. Pedro and Diego Costa scored, and Gareth Barry was sent off for clattering Cesc Fabregas moments after […]

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Hello again. Did you miss me? More importantly…did you miss them? The international break is normally a time in which the fume settles and Everton’s former sins are slowly absolved because, let’s face it, even the really shite performances are better than watching England. However, there wasn’t really much need to forgive and forget this time […]

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Another week, another crisis clumsily averted. Standard stuff for the lean, mean fume machine. First up was the Man City game on Sunday. We played well, but City were better. It really is as simple as that. There were gaps in the defence and errors made that need to be sorted out, as you can […]

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Everton just love to confound you. They do it deliberately, you know. And on Saturday, with major rumblings of discontent among the fanbase, they did the sneakiest, most under-handed thing of all. They gave you exactly what you wanted. The bastards. Amidst the gloom surrounding the club, at least from the perspective of many, Saturday […]

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…And we’re back. I can only apologise for the hiatus – to cut a long story short, it’s down to depression. But no need to discuss it any further. Let’s move on. Oh right, we can’t. Because Everton are suffering an existential crisis. The final string tying us to that victorious plateau has snapped and […]

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“It’s the derby, which is so much more. In September I asked for a bit of magic and Phil Jagielka popped up with just that. Dare we ask for more? To win this one would be…phenomenal. Let’s bring the house down Everton. It’s derby day.” That’s how I concluded the preview for the Merseyside derby. […]

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We did it! The players actually did what they’re paid to do and we won a game! They didn’t half make us wait for it – not only the ninety minutes in which we had to withhold what was a mostly tepid Crystal Palace ‘onslaught’, but the month and a half from the win over […]

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Y’all ready for this?! ….no? Yeah, fair enough. But I’ve got a lot of respect for you if you’re reading this. Your perseverance in getting up just to get slapped down yet again is admirable. From October 18 to November 27 Everton embarked on a run of eight games without defeat, winning five, drawing three. […]

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