…And we’re back. I can only apologise for the hiatus – to cut a long story short, it’s down to depression. But no need to discuss it any further. Let’s move on. Oh right, we can’t. Because Everton are suffering an existential crisis. The final string tying us to that victorious plateau has snapped and […]

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“It’s the derby, which is so much more. In September I asked for a bit of magic and Phil Jagielka popped up with just that. Dare we ask for more? To win this one would be…phenomenal. Let’s bring the house down Everton. It’s derby day.” That’s how I concluded the preview for the Merseyside derby. […]

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We did it! The players actually did what they’re paid to do and we won a game! They didn’t half make us wait for it – not only the ninety minutes in which we had to withhold what was a mostly tepid Crystal Palace ‘onslaught’, but the month and a half from the win over […]

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Y’all ready for this?! ….no? Yeah, fair enough. But I’ve got a lot of respect for you if you’re reading this. Your perseverance in getting up just to get slapped down yet again is admirable. From October 18 to November 27 Everton embarked on a run of eight games without defeat, winning five, drawing three. […]

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Get the Whitesnake on. Here I go again. So, to that shimmering light I see over yonder. Is that the sun setting on the winter of our discontent or just a false dawn? We’re about to find out. There are two ways to look at the two games we’ve played in the last week – […]

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Well, that was not exactly the turning point we were looking for. It wasn’t rivaling the FA Cup game away to Stoke or *that* Kevin Brock backpass, both in January 31 years ago, which are vaunted as the spark that ignited the most successful time in our history. But it was something. The first half […]

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Look, it’s the magic of the Cup! On….a Tuesday! With Goodison half empty! In a classic tie against…er…West Ham! Perhaps I’m being harsh. It may well be the magic of the Cup that saves us. Not that it was a weekend for it. When rank average sides link QPR and Norwich going out constitute the […]

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In a bit then 2014 ye fat knobhead. Won’t go down as one of the better years, that. Vandals, crisis, scandals, ISIS. The Germans were the best at everything. Everton really weren’t. But anyway, happy New Year to you all. I hope you’re happier when you leave 2015 than when you entered it. 2014 was […]

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F*ck off goalkeepers, f*ck off defenders, f*ck off midfielders, f*ck off strikers. F*ck off substitutes. F*ck off injured players. F*ck off Roberto Martinez. F*ck off Graeme Jones. F*ck off coaching staff – especially you Franny f*cking Jeffers, and you know why. F*ck off Bill Kenwright, f*ck off board, f*ck off tea ladies, #f*ckoff @Everton on […]

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