Well, that was not exactly the turning point we were looking for. It wasn’t rivaling the FA Cup game away to Stoke or *that* Kevin Brock backpass, both in January 31 years ago, which are vaunted as the spark that ignited the most successful time in our history. But it was something. The first half […]

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Look, it’s the magic of the Cup! On….a Tuesday! With Goodison half empty! In a classic tie against…er…West Ham! Perhaps I’m being harsh. It may well be the magic of the Cup that saves us. Not that it was a weekend for it. When rank average sides link QPR and Norwich going out constitute the […]

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In a bit then 2014 ye fat knobhead. Won’t go down as one of the better years, that. Vandals, crisis, scandals, ISIS. The Germans were the best at everything. Everton really weren’t. But anyway, happy New Year to you all. I hope you’re happier when you leave 2015 than when you entered it. 2014 was […]

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F*ck off goalkeepers, f*ck off defenders, f*ck off midfielders, f*ck off strikers. F*ck off substitutes. F*ck off injured players. F*ck off Roberto Martinez. F*ck off Graeme Jones. F*ck off coaching staff – especially you Franny f*cking Jeffers, and you know why. F*ck off Bill Kenwright, f*ck off board, f*ck off tea ladies, #f*ckoff @Everton on […]

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Right, one of you has accidentally run over a black cat or something. It’s alright, I won’t be mad if you just own up. It’s either that or Walton Hall Park is actually an ancient burial ground and Bill Kenwright has doomed us all. But seriously – what have we done to deserve this? Merry […]

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Shhhh. We’re trying to watch a match here. You know that Goodison Roar you wax lyrical about? Well, here’s a secret. It doesn’t just emanate from the infrastructure. You have to make it. All of you. And if you spot some daft f*ckers booing at next to nothing, pipe them down. It was a sedate […]

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Everton are dead edgy. To start with, we celebrated cruising to the top of our Europa League group by not being arsed about the Europa League for a night. It was a pleasure to see young players such as Ledson, Dowell, Long and Jones get a go, while Garbutt and Browning were given a chance […]

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Another weekend, another defeat. But will we take solace in the fact we were shaded 1-0 away at the league champions? Of course we won’t. And quite rightly. Simply put, Man City were there for the taking. As always the team was packed with quality but hardly seemed dangerous and after the early departure of […]

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Picture this. On Wednesday I, your humble previewer, sat with an Arsenal fan and a Man Utd supporter watching streams of Everton-Hull and Arsenal-Southampton. 53 minutes in at Goodison and Sone Aluko ambles on to the pitch. My compatriots laugh. “Aluko’s sh*t” they tell me. “Correct,” I reply, “And that’s why, in five minutes, he’ll […]

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At half time on Sunday, with Spurs leading 2-1 against Everton, a statistic popped up on social media. The last time Everton trailed 2-1 at half time and won was in 1994. You’re all aware of the game I’m referring to. Wimbledon at home. Anders Limpar’s questionable decision-making, Barry Horne’s undisputed moment of genius, and […]

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